First time…yet again to write something personal. I think it is futile to be angry and I think the most fitting description that I feel right now is disappointment. Disappointment on myself for feeling this way. Disappointment on that individual over and over again for not being strong. I have cried a lot of tears and I seem to ruminate on these things. Pouring it on others is futile and can add more smoke to the fire. I may have given up on that thought of “loyalty”, however, I am not going to let it crush me.

This feeling of disappointment still lingers, like a stain that do not want to go away. I just want peace in my heart…I know I am writing when my emotions are high but this is the way I can decompress and release my feelings.

I have fear of the unknown, fear of something not tangible and not visible to my eyes. And that is what is defeating me. I believe God has shown me those verses from a blog, He wanted to let me know that HE is still with me, He has everything in control. I cannot control how an individual decides or executes a plan. He also showed me that there are things that I would not be able to fathom because He is the Ultimate. He is telling me to TRUST him and be still.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” –Isaiah 55:8-9

Prayer:

Lord, thank you for allowing me to process this feeling through your Word. Thank you for letting me realize that trusting you and allowing you to work in me is part of your plan. I know you have wonderful plans for me and it will soon come. Open my heart Lord to receive you. Send your Holy Spirit in me, cleanse me, purify me from unwanted thoughts and disabling fears. Be with me Lord all the remaining days of my life… Amen.